Exterior
Service is fast food counter style. The large open kitchen holds a veritable pantomime of kitchen capers with workers bawling at each other over loud music, while a manager humourlessly urges them on to greater speed of preparation. It’s a truly gruesome sight and just about the least customer-focussed experience I can recall being subjected to in any dining establishment.
Godverdomme!
At the counter, I ordered a cheeseburger and fries. There was a very unclear mention of various additional toppings, but I looked clueless leading the counter man to conclude I meant no toppings, which was fine.
Burger
The squidged burger looked quite forlorn. The foamy sesame bun encased two small burgers with some plastic cheese in between. It was hard, tasteless and entirely devoid of charm. It was almost unbelievably shite.
Interior shouting parlour
The queue was every bit as long when I left. I was sorely tempted to stop people and point them elsewhere, such was the level of disappointment I’d experienced.
So overall, Five Guys was staggeringly poor. I’m struggling to think of more dismal dining experience in all my quests. The fare on offer was over-priced fast-food-chain abject misery. If I really wanted to pay for the pleasure of watching Glaswegians (or folks from any other place, for that matter) shout at each other, I’d rather take my chances in one of the city’s fine drinking establishments during a spirited sporting occasion. Avoid.
I ate: cheeseburger, fries
I wore: stripes
Total bill: £10.75
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Interesting… having heard so much I was expecting better. I have to say it sounds like my idea of hell. Burger on Shandwick Place for me serve the best “fast food” burgers. None of this foreign produce either! #TasteScotland
Thanks, Iain. I’m not sure what I expected, but a burger tasting of something would have been good 😉 I still maintain BBL on the Pleasance is streets ahead; a place worthy of your attention
A friend of mine mentioned the same, overpriced and not much better than *insert generic fast food place here*.
Regrettably so
loving the review, and the wonderful use of the adjective ‘shite’!
Passed the London store last week and it was queued for miles. Sounds like this place seriously misses the mark. For £10.75 you’d expect a great burger and experience
Thanks, David – quite so!
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I’ve eaten a couple of times at one local to me in SW London which had a less shouty vibe, and the food was good quality, and I’m fussy about burgers. So perhaps it’s down to how each branch is run.
Thanks, Simon – sure that’s the case. Service paradigms are often the most difficult to translate. A branch is due to open in Edinburgh, soon, so perhaps I’ll give that one another try 😉
We went today. Shite is the word.
Sorry you had to endure it, too
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The specials at Burger are always good. Haggis, neeps, tatties and whisky sauce this week.
A surprising good burger is Eatings – little greasy spoon sandwich shop on Roase Street!
Yes, indeed – Eatings is a great wee place. There’s a review of it on here, somewhere 😉