In all of my quests, one thing that has really impressed me is the general lack of truly ghastly tourist traps that I’ve come across. Sure, there are places that charge a bit more given their location, but generally I haven’t come across many places that are really taking the mickey. But then…

Exterior

Exterior

Capturing passing trade with the jaunty figure of Deacon Brodie at the entrance to the pend down which the cafe is located, the Deacon’s House Café is in a prime location on the Royal Mile. The café room is full of historic splendour. Sadly, the fare on offer is decidedly underwhelming.

Their menu features homemade soup, which can be matched with a sandwich in their lunchtime deal. I misread the menu and tried to match a toastie, priced the same as the sandwiches, and was brusquely told that this was not possible. This is probably the point at which I should have turned tail and left.

Soup

Soup

Their homemade mushroom soup looked promising, but was under-seasoned and insipid. It was rather disappointing.

The toastie was unceremoniously thrown down on my table, without a word, smile or attempt at eye contact. It was entirely characterless. The salad with which it was served featured some very tired brown iceberg. It was woefully poor.

Toastie

Toastie

So overall, the Deacon’s House can be summed up in just one word: avoid. Their approach to service needs a complete overhaul, as the days of their truculent attitude being in any way acceptable have long since passed. Their food is rather poor, too. I feel sorry for tourists who alight upon this place, and would strongly encourage you to walk past it and chose somewhere else.

Scores
Blythe scores the Deacon’s House
1.5/5 for food
2/5 for presentation
4/5 for setting
1/5 for service
giving an overall 8.5/20

I ate: mushroom soup; cheese and ham toastie

I wore: an unimpressed look

Total bill: £8.45

The Deacon's House Cafe on Urbanspoon

Written by BKR