Subway Mega Melt
Food advertising on bus stops has transitioned from being a mildly irritating source of consternation to being a source of immediate personal peril.
Subway is possibly the most recognisable smell of any food business I can think of. The odour of their spongily repellent bread being freshly baked in-store is as memorable a high street perfume as the bath bombs from Lush. It always gives me the shudder.
Their ‘rise and dine’ deal features their mega melt and a drink (hot or cold) of your choice for three quid. Served until 11am each morning, I had to bend my route to take it in at their Waverley Mall branch.
Upon arrival I was confronted with around a dozen French school children all ordering tuna and cheese sandwiches from a long-suffering but very good natured counter crew.
When this gaggle eventually dispersed, I placed my order. I opted for the flatbread casing as it seemed likely to contain less sponge. This was loaded with cheese triangles, a bacon rasher, a sausage and a hockey-puck egg split down the middle.
The photo on the bus stop shows two egg pieces with bright yolks as if you’re getting two poached eggs so this halving of one seemed a little cheeky, but hey ho.
This was heated, then I was given the options of their usual salad whatnots. This was possibly a mistake but I added everything, then topped it all off with brown sauce.
For drink I chose black coffee. It tasted of boiling hot nothing which in the grand scheme of things was probably a blessing.
I figured I should have some witnesses for my attempt at this item so walked the short distance to my office before commencing.
Much like the coffee, it didn’t taste of anything much. The egg was like rubber so texturally quite unpleasant but generally what I experienced was some crunch, some wateriness, a little pickled heat from jalapenos, and some inert cardboard starchiness from the bread. It was a 542 calorie non-event.
So overall, I’m very tempted to commence a guerilla campaign to remove all food advertising from bus stops across the city to minimise further chances of me being drawn into these sort of escapades. Subway’s mega melt and coffee both failed to register on the taste scope and as such shouldn’t be attempted except in times of dire need.